my 20cent worth on current saga

Haven't really been updating my blog ever since a few years back, some ppl used the material on my blog as a basis to spread scandals around, I decided to stop writing. But since 2 years have past and I am no longer in the same community as that person, I guz it safe a drop a few words? haha Been following this scandal that had been brewing online recently (I think I had followed for about 2 wks?) Its about the blogger Zoe Raymond breaking apart a would be married couple, Alvin Yang and Yuki Ng. Truth be told, I was really upset when i first saw Yuki stories on FB (where she created a page) I seriously disliked 3rd party and I was sooooo close to joining others and scolding ZR. I shared the story to my friends and I followed most of the forums that were discussing this. I admit that I supported Yuki, thou I don't think what she did was totally right (in a way fanning the fire by updating her page with all the insider stories), but as what I told my frenz, I could understand y she did what she did. I guz it all boiled down to the feeling of helplessness, where u still can't put that sorry excuse of a man Alvin out of mind and you have to keep on seeing all the lovey dovey pics that the blogger put online for all the world to see. Saw where the scandoulous couple dated, see what are the gifts the guy showered on her, see the loving msg on twitter....I think something juz snapped in Yuki? I know some may say Yuki have a choice not to "followed" ZR so she won't see all the posts that will hurt her...but I think come on~ how many of us will secretly view the FB page of our ex hoping to get some updates~~~ I can't be the only one that ever did that rite? By writing online, I think she hope someone would sympathized with her and perhaps also as an outlet to vet her grievance? maybe Yuki never expected the whole thing to blow up to such a scale, but I guz in her secret mind she hope she can taught ZR a lesson by using the very tools ZR seem so proud of? Of coz all the things I have said are my assumptions, based on what I read and my experience as a councellor. I don't really wanna comment on ZR, coz I didn't want to break my rule of not swearing :p heeeee but based on what I see (n it seems that it's not the first time she did such a thing)...she is one insecured and low self esteemed little gal~(again based on my experience as a councellor) if u see her pic u will say can't be rite~ she is actually an attractive gal (gd figure n not too bad for looks after make up)insecurity & low self esteemed really is a bad combi and could be caused by something she experienced in her younger days (from her family, a bad relationship, or even the way she brought up). By stealing other ppl "things", gave her a sense of conviction that she is attactive and loved by ppl.By working as a part-time blogger, this job further fan her desire for attention and keep her self esteemed afloat. From all the flaming she received, I guz her way of handling it would be not showing she is sorry and will delibrately showed she is happy n blissful ( a typical counter reaction from ppl that suffer low self esteemed) but most prob she is bleeding inside, if she can stop herself from reading all the hate mails then gd for her~ if she can't then I can say she is really suffering. Only way to cure? unless she found her root prob and solved it or really found one guy that truely loves her and can give her the true security she needs(which I think that alvin can't be the one lah) Finally come to this guy alvin... sad to say we come from the same JC ( I found him familiar when I saw his pic), he was a student councellor and also in CAC? (Catholic club)and also a commando (which he is a frenz of my commando frenz..and my frenz ask me to leave commando out of this :p) Guess he really used what he learned in army, stealth n concealment?? he super gd at hiding man~ for such a techno age and ppl can't find him online?? wow~ no wonder commando unit is considered our best army unit. if I really wanna blame someone in this whole saga, this sorry excuse of a man would be my first choice~ okie~~ what I am going to write would seriously be what i imaging would be the thoughts that are running thru his mind. This guy i guz his whole life haven't been really exciting~smooth maybe and used to showing mr nice guy image ( I mean pls~ the gals in CAC wear skirt that are over their knees! pls~ we are a JC that are famous for short skirts! :p)he grad, got a nice job in a nice bank, got a nice gal had a sweet romance n decided as per what other ppl our age would do, decided to marry his gf. But I wondered~ is alvin really so "guai"? the fact that he is a commando really bug me. Our boys needed to take a certain test to determine which unit they be assigned to..so usually those impt units like OCS, commando, engineers..u need certain trait that the unit need, so if u have it~ u will be assigned there...n based on the small number of commando that I know, they are rather egoistic, deep and complicated charactor, n usually quiet hahah but have alot going on in their mind. (again based on my observation) so was Yuki able to satisfy such a guy? n was such a guy satisfied with such a simple gal? Esp when he work in a complicated world of banking, do u seriously think he is happy to bring Yuki around to his business dinner~ lunch with colleagues? I think in his mind, he was maybe secretly hoping for more~? Then wham! came one fine day ZR with her worldly looks and a sexy body which she was not afraid to Flaunt it..n if ZR show interest some more....this alvin must have been blown off. some ppl were saying alvin was thinking with his small head.. I think he did think thru with his big head (no pun intended).. some say ZR will play him out as per her previous ex...u know what~ I think she might find that this alvin won't be so easy to get rid off ... if she not careful... the fruit of yr actions have very interesting way of coming back to bite u.. I wish this saga could die down not for anyone but for Yuki, all the talks about legal implication n stuff..come on leave the poor gal alone~ n lets step back n see.. really the idea of love that ZR n alvin is so adamant about..

Marriage - one big project

Marriage is one big project, trying to merge and shared 2 different lives together is no easy feat. I begin to understand that that is why bible told us that those that are not the same shall not be yoke together.
I mean I do understand the meaning theoretically, but during my younger days I found this verse more stifling than seeing the reasoning behind it.
I see it like this now, Apart from the common understanding among us that having different belief will end up tripping the other. I felt now that one of the main reasons could be that those that do not have the same vision but trying to complete a project together are heading for disaster.
There is great power in unity, didn’t we see that in the example of Babylon that of the same mind they could build a tower that is as high as the sky, therefore God see it necessary to confuse their language and scattered them. In the bible it stated that God believe that “There is nothing that they could not do”
Marriage this big project, have 2 designers (Myself n my partner). If we do not have God this master architect to overlook the whole project and build up the structure of the house. I am quite sure things don’t get as smooth sailing; the house would look weird with missing facilities, awkward corners n under utilize space.
Of coz we see a lot of blissful non-Christian marriage, but I think if we get to the details, their ability to maintain the marriage come from their knowledge of love gain through lives of ppl, books, trial n error, compromise, forgiveness. N you know what, all these method of love have been in the bible and pass it on for thousands of years, talk about taking shortcut for Christians! And the best thing, we have a perfect role model on Love… “We love because He first Love us”
Have thoughts about this topic as I am preparing for my own wedding and also adjusting to the thought of being married~ as today is Vday..feel like dropping a words or 2 ~~
Happy Valentine’s Day!

Its late at nite~

Signz..I guz the toughest period in my breakup period is being alone to think at nite..I can be pretty victorious and cheerful in the day or when I am with Family or frenz..but when I am alone...emotion start to seep in..signz..so decide to write a bit on my thoughts so as not to feel so frustrated..
Actually I could not understand at 1st why do I feel so down for this ending of the relationship. I mean for my previous 6 ones..I heal pretty fast maybe like 3 days haha..so start to do a DOE on myself (being engineer that is a habit :P)
one of the thing that is diff for this is perhaps for the 1st time in 26 yrs I am dumped..yup..so maybe my ego is bruised? But I actually did something that throw away my last pride as a gal trying to salvage this relationship..so I know it wasnt becoz I was sore at being dumped.
My montor told me..deep in my heart I believe God send him to me, and when this doesnt work out I was really hurt and disappointed with God..
I realised maybe in me I was still hoping for him to change his mind..
thats why i took it so hard and find it so hard to forget...
but u know..when I heard from ppl he is looking really happy..and rumar he got a new target already..wow...
I know I really have to let him go in my heart and move on......
Ianyway, logic of the mind cant heal heart break..only Jesus and time can..
I still believe in Love..and my debt is paid in full..
Amen

Give Thanks!

Yup~ Giving thanks everyday will be a little proj I want to do for this period.
Its quite amazing actually coz my dad who is in Russia actually call me last week and share about this revelation that he got from God while bible study.About giving thanks for eveything that happen in yr life , then as you all know my mood recently really sucks..but decide to give it a try..and woah~ it work in a way that amaze me
I really start to appreciate the little happiness ..and blessings..and suddenly feel that hmmm life actually not that bad..
And one of the thing that I really REAlly wanna give thanks is Jesus for Loving me and saving my life..
after wat happen in my relationship..I realised for Jesus to love Sinners like us is really amazing..totally~ so Thank you Jesus *Hugz*
and I am glad to say I am moving on...slowly but steadily
and it is good, recently i hav ppl coming to me and share..and one common msg is true love is able to accept u for who u are..
Maybe because of the reason for my breakup..i start to doubt is there some prob with me..will i find a guy that can love me for who I am?
But i believe someone that truely loves me will accpet me for what I am and was..
so.......time to brace up and move on..Gambatte Gemi!

原来

原来失恋的痛是这样的。原来依憾是这样的。原来不甘，不舍，但不能不放是如此的令人心痛。
原来每个人失恋的感伤是相同的。原来心痛是无法用理性来平复的。原来人的爱是如此的脆弱。
原来我并不是我想的如此洒脱，勇敢。原来当我想起他对我的冷酷，我还是无法不爱他。
原来那么多原来并不能让我忘记。。

好想走出他的阴影，他的记忆。。。

选择

一段失败的感情虽然痛苦， 但在当中也成长也更认识自己。虽然很不甘心, 还是想尝试。但我明白相爱是需要两个人的努力，两个人的付出，两个人的坚持。爱是不单行的。

I told God I don’t really know what to share, but I have a feeling maybe there someone out there that may learn something from here.
I ask God what is the one lesson that I really learn from this? And 2 things came to my mind.

1)God gives Blessings, but we play a part in deciding do we received it or reject it.

I still believe that God want to bless us in this relationship, but can we or can we not receive the blessings He intended depend on ourselves a lot. Sometimes in our Life there are a lot of good things or Best things He want to give us but we must be willing to receive it. You may wonder why would anyone reject blessings, coz sometimes the outlook of blessings may not look so nice. It may look like a durian, thorny and smelly (to some ppl :P), but to the durian lovers out there, it’s ugly appearance have no effect whatsoever to the delicious meat inside. God allow certain situations to challenge yr concept of what blessings actually look like, therefore that’s why there a saying “Blessings in disguise”. Next would be how do we actually recognize it? That need skills (Great sense of smell, sharp eyes, knowledge)…ha-ha.. Close relationship with Father God and a total trust in His leading that He has plans to prosper us not to harm us. When I am going thru the tough times in this relationship, Many times I would doubt did I hear wrongly somewhere if not why is there so much pain? God keep reminding me thru ppl that He is a good God and He will turn curses into Blessings. I have to stop looking at valleys and start looking at mountain tops. The whole outlook needs to change in order to recognize the true situation. That’s why I was able to let go and let God because God show me that there nothing I can do for this relationship but can only depend solely on Him to fix it.

2)No matter how limited it look, we always have a choice

There was a period in this relationship that I was in so much pain that I could not sleep, rest or eat. I was arguing with God that this is crazy, praying for 2 years and He gave me this! The patience and effort I put in this relationship exceed what I thought I was capable of. While I was busy grumbling and complaining, God show me something that really knock me awake. He showed me that even for Adam, there was a choice for him to choose Eve or not, I thought is it true? I read the part about how Adam met Eve and realize something that I never notice before. In the bible, God said that it is not good for Man to be alone, then it follow by God bringing all kinds of creatures of the sky, land and sea to Adam for him to name, then it said that, Adam could not find a suitable helper among them. That’s when God created Eve from one of the rib bone from Adam, then what happen next is beautiful, God LEADS Eve to Adam and that’s all God did, He LEADS…Father God did not say “Adam, this is the mate I created for you, take her” or “Here’s yr Partner Adam”…Nothing of the sort, God simply LEADS Eve to Adam and at that moment Adam made a CHOICE that Eve is the helper and mate that he choose. In that seemingly “No choice” situation, Adam was given a choice whether to accept Eve or reject her.
God show me, yes He leads him to me. But whether to continue this relationship is my CHOICE. I can choose. I guess somewhere along the path I was blaming God for this (Like Adam blaming God for giving him Eve after they sin in Eden), for forcing something not suitable on me; I was left feeling trapped, and not able to do anything. But the moment I know I can choose! Wow, it’s a liberating feeling. It’s not an excuse for giving up but authority to know God gave you control and a say in the whole situation.
Thou I am not sure of the end results, but I am trusting Him :)

Is it being single for too long, already forget how to let go and let another person take care of me..
But why issit when I am no longer single..I still feel there nobody to take care of me?
Juz want to be childish sometime..too bad logic keep getting in..
Not the way I expect relationship to be..too short a honeymoon...feel responsible to be the mature one in this relationship...but its tiring..
really admired those that are attached for so long..even more for those that actually got married! Kudos to u guys..
tired juz tired...
Lord how long more~